“Our mothers are our connection to the earth,” a client wrote me a long, long time ago in a condolence card, “and when they are missing, we spend our lives seeking their love and support.”
It seemed very poetic, but I didn’t understand the gravity of those words. I was new in my grief, trying to regain my footing in the world and sure I was living the worst of it. I didn’t know the longing that would follow or how different the grief would be from the loss I knew of living without my father.
But today while driving in my car, hearing all the radio chatter about mother’s days gifts, a lightbulb went off when I thought about those words in the card and I understood. I really understood. I realized that all that time that I was slightly embarrassed to be “judged” as a tree worshiper, a moon lover and a seeker of the stars, I was actually very successfully reintegrating my connection to life.
It was when I began going out into nature again, after what felt like suffering so much loss, that I began to have faith again. I needed something tangible; the spiritual bypass never worked for me, at least not for very long. I needed a sky to sit under, a tree to hold, a moon to gaze upon. I needed to see the birds that flew by, and the feathers that were left for me. I needed deep connection to what is HERE NOW to replace what seemed to have been severed. Holy shit, that took a long time! The love that I so desperately ached for from her, my mother, was beginning to make itself known to me.
I had been looking for peace, healing, support everywhere but on my little patch of Mother earth.
Growing up Catholic, I was taught that we are in the world, but not of it. I’m not quite sure that’s true. I’m not sure we can get away with that convenient separation anymore. That delineation between heaven and earth is so damaging. The separation doesn’t exist and it is utterly impossible for me to EVER be separated from the Source, the great I AM. As above, so below!
When you sit in meditation or prayer, deeply rooted in love to the earth that holds you and deeply lifted to the heavens that cover you, you can be in pain, a hot mess, tears streaming down and the grace comes from this: I AM a part of it all.
I am not ashamed to call the tree in my yard my mother. I have learned a lot from her.
You spend your life grounding your roots, reaching to the heavens, blooming in a season, dying in another. She knows there are no guarantees. She aims to give me life, bring her beauty, sing wind music and share stories.
On this Mother’s day I wish you the deep knowledge of the Source that is never EVER separate from you. I wish you knowledge of the abundance of support that the trees offer and the love that the eternal sun shines down.
Love you to the moon and back!
Happy Mother’s day!