i’m happy...
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after a long week of being sad. the week of my birthday is also the week of her passing. every year it’s the same damn question. am I having an emotional breakdown? why am I so sad? yesterday I bought her roses and placed her photo on my altar and sobbed. I thought, how curious to think I should hold that in, the grief that speaks to such deep love. And I mean, the physical love. The laughter and the hugs and kisses, the eyerolls, the tears, our crazy weekly crossword competitions, the special birthday meals, the ordinary meals, the cups of tea at the kitchen table. not the, she is always with you in spirit love. because of course, yes. she is.
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so this morning I sit in epic beauty in my woods. thinking about her and how at this moment she was birthing me into this heartbreakingly beautiful existence. feeling gratitude for her and for mother earth for taking such good care of me since she left. closing my eyes and listening to the chorus of birds and the dancing trees. it is amazing. this life. how powerful, when we allow our hearts to be the container for devastating grief and overwhelming joy. What a gift to trust the heart so implicitly that I no longer even need to name the tears. ♥️ And everything just is! Big heart medicine.
Libra musings.
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As I honor Autumn Equinox and welcome Libra season, of course the conversation is about balance and the thing I struggle most with, duality. The duality in ourselves, the duality of the world. I’m so swept up in love at the stunning and sacred beauty of this life, and also paralyzed by the horrors of it. Sexual abuse of children, plastics in the ocean, the suffering, cruelty of so many of our fellow human beings, injustices, disregard for nature and the spirit world. And of course, my own life experiences. Too many last breaths I’ve sat with and still hearts I’ve carried. Trying to balance and resolve the duality of honoring my own trauma while being cognizant of the stunning blessings of my life.
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Well, the other day, Spirit told me I have been doing it all wrong! But I’m a Libra, I’m born for this! I’ve been putting two opposite things on each side of the scale and using brain power to even them out. Light on one side, dark on the other. Beauty on one side, horror on the other. Life on one side, death on the other. Love on one side, fear on the other. Healing on one side, trauma on the other. Spiritual on one side, physical on the other (although that one I’m pretty good at meshing). Then it occurred to me, it’s not the mind’s fault it fails to balance, it’s the heart that knows there aren’t two opposite side of the scale! Balance happens through the heart alchemy whose very life force pulses oneness. And our minds fight oneness. We are conditioned from day one to believe that we are separate. From Spirit. From nature. From each other. The complexity of life stumps the mind, but not the heart. The heart was made for this! TO LIVE! The heart threads with each beat an inexplicable truth. Life is poignant and magical and tragic and bittersweet and we can’t separate any of it out no matter how hard we try. As for the scales, I’m opening to the deeper truth of sacred balance. Just this. For now. ❤️
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#libraseason #heavenandearth #balance #oneness #sacredbalance #autumnequinox #fallseason #justthis #beherenow #tao #yinyang #bittersweet #spiritspeaks #ispeaktospirittoo #shadowwork #soulwork #live #love
Nature creates the most powerful art. It’s moments like these that I realize how close the otherworld is when I’m in the woods, especially when I allow myself to be open. Here I don’t need to know anything or become anything. I just am. Just me. With trees. Trees that are still vibrant and alive with bright green. Trees in transformation turning golden. And also dead trees that are so magical in their ability to morph into angels, birds and whales tails as their last symbolic gift to us. Are we looking? Do we notice?
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Because I think this is the first step to deep healing, for us, the trees, and for mother earth. She has held my heart so tenderly and continues to mother me in ways that are difficult to express. Hold her in return. Hold her in your gaze, in your heart. It is not silly to love her. It is natural. It is necessary. 🌎♥️
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#earthie #ilovetrees #treehugger #naturalworld #hikelife #naturelover #motherearth #divineearth #angels #birds #whalestail #wingedones #spiritanimals #gratitude #natureheals #walkinthewoods #woodlandcreature #birdlady #forestmagic
Then make beautiful offerings. 🌹
Initially I asked my husband to make the pathway to the tree altar for me. He is the stone artisan in the family and masonry is in his blood after all. But I knew that spirit wanted my effort, my heart and my labor of love. I used to call this tree the Mother Tree, because well, I loved her and I needed a mother. Oh, the magic and visions I encountered in meditation and prayer when I sank my roots down to meet her’s. I would envision my roots descending down from my cross legged position to finally land in a heart shape, my roots meeting her life giving root, like an umbilical cord. She fed me with so much love. From there I began to send my roots filled with love to all the trees in my yard, then to my woods, then to all the trees of the world. Blessing the ley lines as I went. All beginning with my love for this one tree. I kept hearing, build the path to me. I knew the work had to come from me, of course! Building a path to the tree, building the path to spirit, to the altar, to my ancestors, to the divine mother, to mother earth. It is such a deep and beautiful practice that I learned from a being so mystical and powerful and compassionate that I am in awe that in this lifetime, I have finally met a teacher that I have waited so patiently for. 😍Liv, @kontomble_medicine there is so much more. But for now, thank you for this. For the precious and potent medicine of the offering. ♥️
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#offerings #motherearth #divinefeminine #treespirit #treehugger #divineearth #naturelover #spirittree #ancestortree #mothertree #hickorytree #love #healing #ancestralhealing #justthis #sacredspace #altars #outdooraltar #spiritspeaks #feedingspirit #leylines #meditationspace #treeroots #laboroflove #pathway #stonepath #italianmasonry @paspilato
I spent the morning tending to altars and making offerings. I had a hesitation about sharing, but the practice is too beautiful not to share.
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I cleaned the hummingbird feeders and filled them with fresh homemade nectar. I made espresso for my husband’s grandfather (it took 3 times for me to get it right!) Honey, figs, blueberries, vodka and lavender for the Kontomble and lots of bird seed for my beloved ancestors, the birds!
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Lately, I’ve been feeling such weight in my heart, and usually the way I cope is by thinking through it. Trying to figure it all out. But my brain is so freaking tired. Every time I allow myself the gift of just being in the moment, in my heart, and truly honoring Mother Earth, Spirit, my ancestors, the trees, there is such a subtle yet profound shift. Out of the mind into the heart. Out of self into connection. Out of selfishness into humility. Out of fear and into love. Out of confusion and into such beauty.
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I am thinking that the only way to truly survive this crazy world is to step into awareness of the offering. To experience what it feels like to give in a way that defies logic. Actually, to stop being so bound by logic all together.
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Thank you @kontomble_medicine. My heart is grateful that by some magic I am connected to you. ♥️
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#altar #sacredspace #ritual #offerings #ancestors #naturelover #birdlady #feedingspirit #ceremony #healing #motherearth #mothernature #daughteroftheearth #divineearth #greatspirit #ancestortree #lakshmi #hanuman #ganesh #plantlover #roses #floweroffering
tiny warrior ❤️
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I’m learning so much from this little being. Experiencing animal medicine is so powerful as you may find that what they are teaching you is quite different than what you find in books. Hummingbird medicine is often linked to sweetness, joy and happiness, as such when I was given my spiritual name, Amrita, sweet nectar, I was annoyed and disappointed. I don’t actually like being seen as sweet. But if you have the distinct honor of sitting with the hummingbird it becomes quickly apparent that these little ones are about fierce boundaries. They are by far the fiercest creatures I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve watched in awe as these sweet little fairies protect their territory and guard the nectar that is sacred to them. I’ve watched in awe as two or more hummingbirds dance through the air like little fighter jets. I laugh a little to myself, how these tiny warriors were ever associated with lightness and joy.
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Sometimes I’ve felt that my appearance of sweetness undermines the depths from where I have come, what I have lived through. Strangely, I’ve struggled with that. That being seen as sweet or nice betrays my emotional and spiritual depth and potency. As I spend time with the hummingbirds I am honored by the medicine that appearances and how we are perceived are often vastly out of our control and there is a reason for that. Look at her! She is supremely aware. She doesn’t care if her medicine is misconstrued because in her tiny being is the real truth. It is that truth that carries her medicine. It’s in her fierce, wild beating heart. Just as ours is. ♥️
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🎶 la luna @ajeetmusic
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#truth #animalspirit #sweetness #hummingbirdmedicine #animalmedicine #birdlover #birdlady #motherearth #mothernature #fiercemedicine #fiercelove #naturelover #earthwarrior #spiritwarrior #healers #love #hearthealing #heartmedicine #wildwomen #daughteroftheearth
